Taking it Back

As you may remember, last fall I had a really hard time with my first post-babies half marathon. I built that race up in my mind to something so important that I let myself get completely overwhelmed with anxiety on race morning. That's something I'm still working hard on. I know it's not an overnight fix, but my race anxiety is slowly but surely getting better.

I found out earlier this year that this year was going to be the final running of the Indianapolis Marathon (and half marathon and 5k) at Fort Benjamin Harrison. Since it was my goal race last year, and the race I set my PR at in 2012, a part of me really wanted to be involved in the race. The sane part of me knew that it would be a recipe for disaster to sign up to run the half marathon again. If I'd already built the race up in my mind last year, just imagine how much worse it would be running that race for the last time ever!!! I knew that it wasn't smart to sign up for the half marathon. I'd beat myself up if I couldn't finish it again, and the stress of worrying about whether I'd finish would sabotage me before the race even started.

But, I couldn't miss the race entirely! After lots of discussion, Hubby and I agreed to run the 5k together. I'd still get my to participate in the race, Hubby would get his first race medal, and I wouldn't have to stress out the same way I would if I were running the half.

Leading up to the race, I had some moments when I regretted only signing up for the 5k. I was still beating myself up for my anxiety, even though I knew that it was counterproductive. I'm still working to go easier on myself--I know that I need to cut myself the same slack that I'd cut others.

Anyway, Hubby and I made it to race day, agreeing to run the race together, and to have fun with it. It was a perfect fall morning for a race! A little chilly, but clear and dry, with perfect Indiana fall foliage. We paced ourselves well, and managed a decent kick at the end, and I was really pleased with how we did. I thought we did well, but I wasn't expecting anything special from the race. Imagine my surprise, when Hubby and I went to get our results, and they said "Congratulations!" and handed me this mug:

That't right! I took first in my age group! (Okay, I only took first because the first and second women in my age group were actually the first and third women finishers overall, but it was still an amazing feeling!)

I don't think I've ever been more proud of a race. It was an emotional race for me, for many reasons, but I pushed myself and made it through. We both ran well, and the result was so rewarding! I've been working really hard this year, and I've come in third, second, and now first in my age group in 5ks. I know I still have a lot of work to do, but I'm taking back races! It means a lot to me that my first place finish was at this race, since it's such a significant race to me, and I can't wait to keep working!

I know it's been a while since I updated you on my resolution progress, but I'm proud to report that I should be able to make my goal this year!! As of today, I've run 470.1 miles this year! I only have to run 30 miles by the end of the year to make it to 500 miles for the year, and I know I can make that! Obviously, I'm not going to stop right at 500, but it's nice to know that I'll be able to hit my mileage goal for the year.

Okay, this was a running-heavy post. I'll update on the babies later, but here's their Halloween picture, to tide you over in the meantime:

My little Minions!

A Summer Full of Changes

Happy Fall!

Things have been busy over here (and so have the Things, for that matter!):

• My sister-in-law got married (Yay!)

  

  Cutest ring bearer and flower girl EVER!

• The Things turned TWO (Really!?!? But, also Yay!)

  

  Yay, birthday cake!

• I started a new job (more Yay!)
• We got lots of family visits in (super Yay!)

  

  Botanic Garden, parks, the Lake, you name it, we did it!

• We all (including Mischa) ran a 5k together (Yay again!)

  

  Who knew, all Mischa needed was a little competition to turn into a speed demon!

Fancy family picture!

I'm sure there's a lot more, but those are the highlights. With everything going on, I totally let myself fall behind over here, but hopefully this fall will give me a chance to catch up again.

As an update: Thing 1's new favorite thing is the miniature pumpkin he saw in the grocery store. If he's awake, he needs to have the pumpkin to be happy. Thing 2 loves to sing, and is picking up the words to her favorite songs. She may not always get the tune right, but she'll give it her best shot! They're both very active, and talking a LOT (most of the time, we can even understand what they're saying!).

While you wait for the next update, enjoy the cute pictures! We've been up to a lot, so rest assured: there are more where these came from! I swear, these kids are getting cuter every day!

We prefer pretending to eat squash to actually eating squash!

Stubbornness or Stupidity?

In case you didn't know it, I'm a very stubborn person. I don't mean a little stubborn. I mean ridiculously, bordering on the edge of insanity, stubborn. Crazy (and possibly not in the good way) stubborn. I think it's why I've stuck with running... Part of success in running comes from not letting yourself quit, even when it's a good idea.

Anyway, you may remember that I ran into some trouble trying to run my first post-babies half marathon last year. Anxiety issues really threw me off my game and affected my ability to races. While it was bad before short races, I was afraid that the problems would actually impact my ability to finish longer races. So, I didn't finish the first half marathon I signed up for, and didn't even make it to the second one. I really let the fear and the anxiety take over any joy I had in racing.

I've been working on my anxiety this year, and running shorter races to take the control back. I still have some issues, but I can tell I've made a lot of progress.

After a good summer of running, I decided I wanted to make my comeback, for real this time. I hadn't been training officially, but I'd been gradually building my mileage, with the intention of running a half marathon, when the right one presented itself. I found a half that fit in with an appropriate taper after my awesome 10 mile run, took a deep breath, and signed up for it. I had a certain amount of trepidation, since it was an evening run (and we know how well my last evening race went) in the middle of July. I knew it was likely to be hot, but I was sure I'd trained through enough heat to manage it.

Let's put it this way: I'm an idiot. An idiot who was really, really wrong.

I'll admit that I had some pre-race anxiety. I was kind of miserable, but I worked through it, and I actually made it to the start line feeling a bit excited. That was a huge step for me.

But then the race started, and the wheels fell off pretty quickly. I probably would have been okay if the first couple miles of the race hadn't been run through a parking lot in the direct sunlight. The combination of baking asphalt and no breeze hit a lot of the runners hard.

From this distance, you can't tell if I'm smiling or crying...

I was actually feeling okay up until about mile 4. Around then, I started to feel nauseous, but I knew it wasn't anxiety again. This was all heat related. I tried to be careful, but the damage was already done. Sometime after mile 4, I got very ill. For the first time. Of several times.

I never thought I'd be the runner someone else took pity on. I never thought I'd be the one to have someone stop for me and say "You know what? I'm gonna walk the rest of this race with you." I know I probably should have stopped running after I got sick the first time. But this is where the crazy stubborn kicked in. I'd worked so hard to get to this point! I couldn't not finish again! If I let anxiety win this time, it would only get harder for me to finish my next race. (Yeah, I know this wasn't an anxiety issue. Heat exhaustion should totally get a pass on race day. But, I'm crazy.)

Let's just say that I got very sick many times during this race, and leave the rest up to your imagination. I know I wasn't the only person there struggling that day. Hubby said he got worried, when all three ambulances at the race got called out at the same time. It was a bad day for racing. Even the pacers dropped their pace flags, abandoning their time goals in favor of survival.

Fortunately, this was one of the friendliest races I've ever run. Multiple people asked me if I was okay, or if there was someone they could call for me. But, my new best friend is Mark. He's the kind soul who decided that his goal was well behind him, and that he could walk the rest of the way in with me. So, from about mile 11 on, the two of us slogged on together. Every time I stopped to be sick, he's say hopefully "Bug?" and I'd reply "Nope." Mark knew that I was struggling, but he understood how important finishing was to me. He stuck with me for the rest of the race, and helped me get across that finish line.

It was my slowest half marathon. But I finished it. It certainly wasn't the smart choice, but it meant so much to me. I proved to myself that I am stronger than I thought. I can fight through just about anything. And I finally finished that half marathon. Now, I have that confidence behind me, for the next time I run a half marathon. I know I can finish.

I was so lucky that hubby was there to cheer me on (and drive me home afterwards). It was reassuring to know that there was someone there to help me out at the end. Knowing that he was waiting for me also gave me more motivation to finish the race.

So, what did I learn from this race? I've learned that I am really strong. And more than a little stubborn (or crazy). I've learned that terrible things can happen during a race, but I can work through it. And I've learned that the next time something like this happens during a race, I can STOP RUNNING.

After the race was over, Mark said "So, you're gonna have to sign up to run this race again next year, to redeem yourself, huh?" To which I replied "NOPE!" This race was never important for any reason other than showing myself what I'm capable of. Now I know, and I see absolutely no reason to put myself through the misery that is a half marathon in July. Ever again.

So, there it is. My first half marathon post-babies. Was it what I wanted? Absolutely not. Am I disappointed with my time? Hell no. I finished the race. That's all this was ever about. Now, I'm looking forward to racing more, this time with less anxiety to weigh me down. I know I still have a way to go. I'm not "better" yet. But I'm getting there. One step at a time.

Happy 4th!

Happy 4th of July!

Our second 4th of July as a family has come and gone, and I have to say, it went pretty well! We had a lovely, long weekend together, with lots of adventures all around! The only person with any complaints about the weekend is Mischa, and she got to sleep in our bed when there were fireworks, so I think she came out pretty well in the bargain. (She's absolutely terrified of fireworks and thunderstorms, so she spent a lot of the weekend shivering under the covers in our bed.)

Thing 2 loved the rocky horse!

Saturday, as I mentioned before, was the Things' first race! Hubby and I were both a little apprehensive, since it started at 12:45--squarely in the middle of nap time. However, the Things love new surroundings! They may have been a little sleepy, but by the time we got to the park where the race was to start, they were ready to be entertained.

We played at the park for the 30 minutes before the race started, which may have been a rookie mistake. Who lets their kids wear themselves out right before they have to run a race!?!? Oops!

Big boy on the slide!

This was probably the most busy they'd ever seen a playground before, but they handled it like champs. There were big kids running and jumping all around them (although, they were actually impressively attentive to the littler ones--no one got trampled), but the Things kept on doing their...things. We tried not to hover too much, and just watched them figure stuff out on their own, which was pretty great!

Finally, the Northwestern mascot came out to lead all the kids in some stretching before the race started. Thing 1 showed no interest in that whatsoever, but Thing 2 was intrigued by the process. She stood with the other kids and watched them windmill their arms and touch their toes. She didn't do any of it, but she was clearly very curious about the proceedings...

Thing 2, not stretching

And then, it was race time! We all lined up in the street--they let the older kids start first, and we waited way at the back of the pack. When it was our turn, the Things trotted off, arms flapping in excitement. They held our hands, and smiled the whole time, even when they got tired. Lots of people were there to cheer on the kids, and the Things got lots of attention as the smallest racers. I think they really liked all the people clapping for them! There was also a policeman on a motorcycle, who absolutely entranced Thing 1.

Sure, Thing 2 needed to be carried for a few steps by the end, but when I asked her if she could cross the finish line by herself she said "YEAH!" And she did. Sure, we were the last and second-to-last finishers in the race. Sure, it felt like the longest, slowest half mile ever. BUT, the kids finished their first race! They got finisher ribbons, and post-race treats for their hard work. I'm hoping this will be the first of many races they run, and I can't wait to really run races with them as they get bigger!

We did it!

The rest of the weekend was spent cooking out, hanging out with friends, and taking our first trip to the Kohl Children's Museum! That was lots of fun, but I'll save that update for another post. We didn't see any fireworks, but I think we celebrated just fine without them

Running Update

It's been a while since I posted about running, so I thought I'd take a minute to do that!

First, here's a quick update on my resolution: I was starting to get worried that I wouldn't make it to 500 miles by the end of the year, after the slow start I got thanks to weather and various illness-related setbacks. But, now that summer is here with it's better weather and longer daylight hours, I'm running strong! As of my (epic, PR-setting) 10-mile run on Saturday, I'm officially at 251.9 miles for the year so far! That's right, I'm over halfway there, before the year is halfway over!!! Wooooo hooo! It's nice to have that little reassurance that I can make my goal, even if I hit some bumps in the road on the way there.

Speaking of bumps: I've had my fair share of those when it comes to running recently. I've been doing a good job, running a race every month in April, May and June, but my May race was pretty rough. I'd decided to find a 10k to run on May 16th, since that was the distance I wanted to run that weekend. So, I looked for races nearby, and found an evening trail run close to my house that day. It seemed perfect! Everything was lining up just the way I wanted! An evening run would be great, since it would get rid of all the pressure of getting out the door at a crazy hour. So, I registered the day before the race, and showed up on race day, full of anticipation.

I should have been full of dread. It. Was. Awful. First of all, the day the hottest we'd had in a while, and I was totally unprepared for that. Sure, I carried my own water for the race, but that just wasn't enough to combat the heat of the day combined with the direct sunshine at the start of the race. Yeah, evening run didn't mean nice, shady run. It meant, full-on, blazing sunlight when we took off! Yowch!

The race was a small event, which I'm usually good at. I can generally count on starting toward the middle of the pack, and doing well there. Apparently, this race was full of speedsters, though. They all started out crazy fast, and it wasn't until I heard my split for my first mile that I knew I'd gone out too hard. On a cooler day, with more shade, that pace would have been fine; but that wasn't the race I was running.

I tried to pull back and run smarter, but the damage had already been done. I had to take multiple walk

This is early in the race, which is why I look so happy...

breaks, and spent most of the race utterly alone. I wasn't the last person on the course, but there was no one in sight of me, in front or behind. It was pretty lonely and miserable, and I imagined myself passing out as soon as I crossed the finish line (if I made it that far).

I managed to tough it out and cross the finish line. No question of setting a PR, but I was really proud of the fact that I finished, since it was pretty much the worst race I'd ever run. I drank a bunch of fluids, and then got myself home, where I discovered a hitchhiker on my ankle. Yup. I'd picked up my first ever tick!!! YIKES! I totally freaked out, and made hubby come take care of the interloper. I still get the wibblies, just thinking about it. Ick.

Anyway, after all of that excitement, I started to feel really crappy. I had a huge headache, and my muscles were really sore. I could tell something was off, but it wasn't until I threw up spectacularly that it dawned on me: heat exhaustion. To add insult to the injury of that race, and as if I needed further proof that I hadn't run a smart race, I spent the evening being violently sick. Fun, fun, fun!

I didn't do much better the following weekend, when I had to cut short a planned 8-mile run after wiping out on the sidewalk. Fortunately, I didn't do anything worse than skin my left knee and right palm, but I knew finishing the run was out of the question. I was able to pick up running again without any lost time, but it was a few weeks before I went back to doing yoga...it's really hard to do most of the poses when you're down to one useable hand and knee.

Luckily, my most recent race was a much more enjoyable experience! Hubby and I ran the DePauw Almuni 5k Challenge for my 10th college reunion earlier this month, and it was fantastic! We ran together the whole time, enjoying a part of the campus that wasn't around when I was there, and feeling mildly smug that we were up and active while a lot of people were still in bed, hungover from the night before. That was a really smart run for both of us, and it did a lot to offset my May race.

And that brings me to now! I'm feeling really strong (as if evidenced by my aforementioned PR-setting 10 mile run), and really enjoying my running so far this summer! I've been doing yoga at least a couple of times a week, and I think it's starting to pay off. I'm focusing on the positive in my runs, and thinking about making plans for another race soon.

Next up on the calendar is the Things' first race!! We've signed them up for a half-mile fun run on the 4th of July! I'm looking forward to seeing what they do when we let them loose--it should be a lot of fun!

First Family Race

This past Saturday, the whole family (except for Mischa) ran the Loop the Lakes 5k in Vernon Hills. It was the first race of the year for Hubby and me and the first race ever for the Things, and I have to say I'm pleased with how well it all went!

It was a small race, run by the Vernon Hills Park District, so there was no packet pick up ahead of time.

Runners in training?

Instead, they set up at the park before the race, and it was such a small event that we didn't have any problem getting there, finding parking, and getting our packets. We let the Things run around for a bit before the race, which they certainly appreciated, and just spent some time wandering around together.

I was pleasantly surprised to find out that the park shelter had REAL, working bathrooms, with flushing toilets and running water. I know this would have been a huge problem at a bigger race, but I never saw a line running out the door, so I think the capacity must have been okay for the size of the field. It also seemed like a lot of locals ran the race, so I'm guessing they had their own facilities close by... Either way, no complaints here!

The weather day-of wasn't nearly as nice as we were hoping for: it was chilly (in the low 40's), and threatening to rain the whole time. Plus, there was a significant amount of wind. Add that to the hills on the course, and it was a challenging race. Challenging, but rewarding!

Hubby was nice enough to let me run the race as fast as I wanted, while he pushed the Things in their stroller. I knew for a fact that I wasn't strong enough to push the stroller the whole distance, and I was secretly hoping that I might PR, or maybe even place, so I was really glad he let me do that.

I started out close to the front, and picked my pace and just settled in. I've been almost enjoying the hills (such as they are) in our area, so I wasn't concerned about the hills in this race. In fact, I picked off most of the people I passed on the uphills! It was a good feeling. The course took us on a one-and-a-half-ish loop of the lakes in the park, so we got a chance to see where we'd be finishing, and had a good way to gauge how much we had left.

I felt really strong for most of the race, and didn't get passed by many people. As I was getting close to the end, a volunteer said "You might be the third woman!" I was really excited by that, and pushed a little harder. I actually passed a guy close to the end, but could hear him trying to catch me once the finish line came into view. Hearing him stomping up behind me gave me a faster kick than usual, and I flew across the finish in a new PR (26:19)! Take that, #17!

I even got a trophy!

Since I was pretty sure I'd placed in my age group, we waited around for the awards ceremony. Sure enough, I was awarded third in my age group, and fifth woman overall! Not too shabby!
However, the next day, I found out that I'd actually placed second in my age group, due to an error in tabulation on race day. Wahoo!!! I'll be trading in my shiny third place trophy for and even shinier second place one this weekend!

I will admit, I'm still working through some race anxiety. The pre-race stuff didn't go as smoothly as I would have liked, but I can tell I'm making progress. I'm working really hard to get back to my love of racing, and this race was a huge step in the right direction. I'm taking things slowly, but I know I'll get there. I'm really looking forward to even more family races as the Things grow up.

I almost forgot to mention: Hubby was a complete rock star pushing the stroller! He was the first stroller to finish, came in under 30 minutes, and ninth in his age group! I came in 25th overall, and he came in at 48th. I'd say both of us finishing in the top 50 makes this race a big win! We're looking forward to running it again next spring!

Fearless

I'm not fearless. Far from it. Between worrying about the babies, and dealing with my own anxieties, there are times when I just feel like one big ball of neuroses.

Recently, I became an Ambassador for Skirt Sports; a company that makes workout gear for women. Sure, they make cute workout clothes, but they also want to motivate women to get moving and reach their goals, and create a supportive community to help them get there. I've worn Skirt Sports to many races:

Like this one...

And this one...

I love having clothes to run in that fit me, keep me comfortable, and still make me feel cute!

As an Ambassador, I get to participate in races and events that Skirt Sports puts on, and I my first one was last weekend! Since they're based in Colorado, I might not get to run many of their actual races, but they've thought of that! They have a series of Virtual Races, so you can participate, no matter where you are!

On April 25th, I ran the 261 Fearless Virtual Race. This race is special, because it celebrates Kathrine Switzer, the first woman to run the Boston Marathon. She ran wearing bib #261, and went through a lot to make it to the finish line. In the process, she opened a lot of doors for women in the running world.

Given how insecure I've been feeling about myself (and especially my racing) recently, I knew this was a race I had to run. Sure, I would only be competing against myself, but I'm my own worst enemy right now. Who else should I be racing? Even though I was running solo, I still treated the run like a race, and I pushed myself. It felt great to get out there, and work hard, and know that I was working to make myself a better runner, a better mother, and a stronger person in

Fearless!

general. My progress is slow, but I'm getting there.

The 261 Fearless race was a good reminder to myself that fearlessness means a lot of things. It means running races, even though they make me anxious. It means working on myself, so that the scary things lose their power. It means remembering to treat every day as an adventure, and trying to get the most out of it. That one can be hard to manage, with all of the daily little things that come with having two small hurricanes living in my house. But, they're also the most exciting adventure I can think of, and I'm trying to be better about finding the fun in the little times with them.

In 1967, Kathrine Switzer ran the Boston Marathon. She put her fears aside that day, and look what she accomplished! Today, I'm working little by little to put my own fears aside. I'm learning to be brave every day, in the little ways I can. I'm not fearless yet, but that's okay.

The Holidays

Well. I think an update is long overdue, don't you?

This has been an...interesting...holiday season. It's been wonderful, amazing, challenging, awful and depressing all at the same time.

December 8th marked the second anniversary of my miscarriage. Now, when the holidays roll around, I can't look forward to them with the same excitement I used to have. Sure, I have my amazing babies to celebrate with me now, but there's still a lot of what if's running around in my head at the same time. Starting in October, I realize that "This time, two years ago, I was pregnant." In November, it's "This time, two years ago, I was worried about my baby, but still pregnant and convinced that everything would be fine. It might be a difficult pregnancy, but everything has to be fine."  On my birthday, it's "This time, two years ago, I took the day off from work because I'd been having really bad morning sickness." Then, in early December, it's "This time, two years ago, I was bleeding, but I didn't know why. And I was scared." And finally, on December 8th, it's the worst day of my life again.

I've started dreading this time of year, because every day has little reminders like that. December 8th itself was easier this year, but the holiday concerts with my choir were hell. Christmas with my family was great. And terrible. It's impossible not to make comparisons with two years ago, when I couldn't face going to Christmas Eve services, and instead spent the whole time curled up in a ball on the couch. This year, I was able to share the holiday with two adorable toddlers. They were fascinated by the carols: Thing 2 thought the songs were all for her, and danced through most of the Christmas Eve service. They loved all the Christmas trees: Thing 1 wasn't happy unless he was able to touch the twinkly lights and ornaments. They gave lots of hugs, read lots of books and played with lots of toys.

Christmas Eve family photo

I'm starting to realize that October-December may not be a good time for me to run races. It seems like I've developed race anxiety--I don't know yet whether it's only because this time of year has so many negative things wrapped up with it, or whether it's racing in general. (I really hope it's the former.) I had a lot of trouble with the races Hubby and I ran at Thanksgiving, so much so that we didn't even try to make it to the race on the 29th. I still feel bad about not racing, but the logical (sane) part of me knows I wasn't healthy enough to run a half marathon then. I was so frustrated with the situation, that on November 30th (the day after my non-race), I ran 13.1 miles by myself. Because I can. And I did it faster than I've ever run a half marathon before. So there.

This year, I'm going to try to re-train my brain when it comes to running. I know I enjoy running. I miss it when I can't run, and there's something so satisfying about a good run. With Hubby's help, I'm going to run some 5k's early this year, and try to focus on having fun again. Somewhere along the line, my brain must have decided that races are stressful and scary, and that leads to race-day panic. Even though I have fun once the race starts, the time leading up to the start has become terrible. Without intending to, or knowing why, I get anxious to the point of throwing up and passing out. Hubby and I are going to work together to try to change that. I'd love to run a half marathon this year, but I don't know that it will happen. Realistically, this may be a slow process, but it's one I'd like to tackle. (In case you were wondering: I talked to my doctor about the problem, and she suggested therapy. I'm sure that's a viable option, but I'd like to try to get there on my own first.)

Since the New Year is a time for making resolutions, Hubby and I have both resolved to run 500 miles this year. I almost made it this year, but bad weather at the start and surgery at the end of the year made me come up a short. Once I get the all-clear from the doctor (hopefully tomorrow), I'm planning to get back on the road! I've got new shoes and some near gear to break in, and I can't wait to hit the ground running! (I'm so clever, aren't I?)

Overdoing it?

So, after my disappointment with my (non)race last month, I signed up for the Schaumburg Half Marathon for redemption. Rather than becoming a ball of stress, worrying about the race, I've been trying to remind myself that races are fun: Lucky me! I get to run a half marathon two days after my birthday! That may or may not be working... I'll let you know after the 29th.

Other people suggested that I try to run shorter races, to help me get over my jitters. Of course, signing up for races is one thing, but actually being able to make it to the races is something else entirely, when you have two Things to deal with. Now that we have kids, it's not a matter of just walking out the door to go run a race. We'd have to find someone to babysit (at an ungodly hour in the morning), and get them ready to go, while getting ourselves ready too. Or, there's always taking them with us--assuming it's a stroller-friendly race (and assuming one of us is okay with not running the race for a PR).

Anyway, after last month's fiasco, I was tempted by the idea of doing a 5k, just to get back into the groove of racing, when the perfect opportunity presented itself. Hubby and I ran the Flying Turkey 5k in Evanston two years ago, and had discussed doing it this year. It's close to our house, close to the in-laws (who thankfully agreed to babysit)--it seems like the perfect shake-it-out race for me! At just two days before my half marathon, it can be my last training run, and a confidence boost at the same time. Perfect, right? All done!

But then, Hubby found out we could register for a 5k in Libertyville the Saturday before Thanksgiving for free! Nothing beats a free race, right? So, all of a sudden, we went from running one race (Hubby agreed to run the 5k at the Schaumburg race), to running three races in the span of one week. I mentioned our plan to my dad, and his response was "Do you think you're overcompensating?"  Then I told him that one of the races was free and he said "Oh, okay!" See? Among crazy runners, a free race is not optional, regardless of timing.

And now the week of madness is upon us! Yesterday was pretty good! I was fine all day Saturday, not worried or anything, but I was definitely jittery as soon as I woke up. It wasn't nearly as bad as before the half marathon, and I kept telling myself that it's just a 5k, I like running, I will have fun. Oh, and breathing. I kept reminding myself to just breathe.

It turns out this race was the perfect one to start out on. It wasn't chip timed, so there was very little pressure on us in terms of performance. We just went out to run for fun. And, it was fun! I managed to pass a lot of people on the trail, and (drumroll, please) I even took third place in my age group!

Ta-da!

 I'm really pleased with how the race went, and I'm cautiously looking forward to our next 5k on Thursday. I know I've still got some nerves to work through, but I'm hoping that I'll be able to talk myself through this. In the meantime, if you listen carefully you may hear me repeating to myself: "Races are fun, races are fun, races are fun..." Hopefully, I'll even start to believe it!

Dealing with Disappointment

This is not the post I wanted to write, but life got in the way.

For those of you who may not remember: my first post-babies half marathon was last weekend. I'd been training hard and was totally ready, but apparently it wasn't meant to be. I'm a nervous racer, who has been known to throw up before races, so I wasn't particularly surprised when I threw up shortly after waking up Saturday morning. But then, I couldn't stop.

I couldn't eat anything, threw up all the water I'd had in the car on the way to the race, threw up on the walk to the starting line, and then actually passed out on the ground while dry heaving. At that point, Hubby, my Dad and my BFF realized that something wasn't quite right, and took me to the medical tent. I had my blood pressure and heart rate checked, which both checked out as normal. It didn't register with me until later, but that should have been my clue that something else was up. Well, hello, stomach bug!

After getting checked out by the medical staff, they said "It's up to you whether you think you can run it, but we really don't want to scrape you off the road later. You might want to bow out." That really wasn't what I wanted to hear, but I also knew that I had absolutely nothing in the tank--running the race I wanted was already out of the question. Hubby, BFF and Dad convinced me to at least start the race and see how it went, so I did. BFF and I were the last ones to cross the starting line, but we ran together and slowly picked off the back of the pack. But, then the blurg came back at mile 2.5, and I had to stop and walk. I knew Hubby and Dad were waiting for us at mile 4.5, so I had to make it that far, but it was a slow trip. I was still nauseous and absolutely exhausted by the time we finally saw our cheering section, and I knew my race was over.

I've spent the past week being alternately depressed and pissed off about the way Saturday went, but I'm hoping I can start to move beyond the disappointment and plan for my next race. At least now I will be able to say "It can't be any worse" when I line up at the starting line again. Hopefully this experience has gotten the "bugs" out of my system, and my next race will be a cause for excitement, not anxiety.

Speaking of my next race, I desperately want to run a half marathon every year, and I'm running out of time in 2014! To that end, I'm going to sign up for the Schaumburg Half Marathon and 5k Turkey Trot on November 29th. It's not nearly as soon as I would like, but it's the best option for me in terms of location and price, so I'm going to do it! My hope is that I'll be able to re-program myself a little so that I can look forward to this race with excitement and not anxiety. With a little more training, some luck, and the help of the patron saint of the stomach flu, I plan to finally, actually run my first half marathon post-babies in 36 days!