Stubbornness or Stupidity?

In case you didn't know it, I'm a very stubborn person. I don't mean a little stubborn. I mean ridiculously, bordering on the edge of insanity, stubborn. Crazy (and possibly not in the good way) stubborn. I think it's why I've stuck with running... Part of success in running comes from not letting yourself quit, even when it's a good idea.

Anyway, you may remember that I ran into some trouble trying to run my first post-babies half marathon last year. Anxiety issues really threw me off my game and affected my ability to races. While it was bad before short races, I was afraid that the problems would actually impact my ability to finish longer races. So, I didn't finish the first half marathon I signed up for, and didn't even make it to the second one. I really let the fear and the anxiety take over any joy I had in racing.

I've been working on my anxiety this year, and running shorter races to take the control back. I still have some issues, but I can tell I've made a lot of progress.

After a good summer of running, I decided I wanted to make my comeback, for real this time. I hadn't been training officially, but I'd been gradually building my mileage, with the intention of running a half marathon, when the right one presented itself. I found a half that fit in with an appropriate taper after my awesome 10 mile run, took a deep breath, and signed up for it. I had a certain amount of trepidation, since it was an evening run (and we know how well my last evening race went) in the middle of July. I knew it was likely to be hot, but I was sure I'd trained through enough heat to manage it.

Let's put it this way: I'm an idiot. An idiot who was really, really wrong.

I'll admit that I had some pre-race anxiety. I was kind of miserable, but I worked through it, and I actually made it to the start line feeling a bit excited. That was a huge step for me.

But then the race started, and the wheels fell off pretty quickly. I probably would have been okay if the first couple miles of the race hadn't been run through a parking lot in the direct sunlight. The combination of baking asphalt and no breeze hit a lot of the runners hard.

From this distance, you can't tell if I'm smiling or crying...

I was actually feeling okay up until about mile 4. Around then, I started to feel nauseous, but I knew it wasn't anxiety again. This was all heat related. I tried to be careful, but the damage was already done. Sometime after mile 4, I got very ill. For the first time. Of several times.

I never thought I'd be the runner someone else took pity on. I never thought I'd be the one to have someone stop for me and say "You know what? I'm gonna walk the rest of this race with you." I know I probably should have stopped running after I got sick the first time. But this is where the crazy stubborn kicked in. I'd worked so hard to get to this point! I couldn't not finish again! If I let anxiety win this time, it would only get harder for me to finish my next race. (Yeah, I know this wasn't an anxiety issue. Heat exhaustion should totally get a pass on race day. But, I'm crazy.)

Let's just say that I got very sick many times during this race, and leave the rest up to your imagination. I know I wasn't the only person there struggling that day. Hubby said he got worried, when all three ambulances at the race got called out at the same time. It was a bad day for racing. Even the pacers dropped their pace flags, abandoning their time goals in favor of survival.

Fortunately, this was one of the friendliest races I've ever run. Multiple people asked me if I was okay, or if there was someone they could call for me. But, my new best friend is Mark. He's the kind soul who decided that his goal was well behind him, and that he could walk the rest of the way in with me. So, from about mile 11 on, the two of us slogged on together. Every time I stopped to be sick, he's say hopefully "Bug?" and I'd reply "Nope." Mark knew that I was struggling, but he understood how important finishing was to me. He stuck with me for the rest of the race, and helped me get across that finish line.

It was my slowest half marathon. But I finished it. It certainly wasn't the smart choice, but it meant so much to me. I proved to myself that I am stronger than I thought. I can fight through just about anything. And I finally finished that half marathon. Now, I have that confidence behind me, for the next time I run a half marathon. I know I can finish.

I was so lucky that hubby was there to cheer me on (and drive me home afterwards). It was reassuring to know that there was someone there to help me out at the end. Knowing that he was waiting for me also gave me more motivation to finish the race.

So, what did I learn from this race? I've learned that I am really strong. And more than a little stubborn (or crazy). I've learned that terrible things can happen during a race, but I can work through it. And I've learned that the next time something like this happens during a race, I can STOP RUNNING.

After the race was over, Mark said "So, you're gonna have to sign up to run this race again next year, to redeem yourself, huh?" To which I replied "NOPE!" This race was never important for any reason other than showing myself what I'm capable of. Now I know, and I see absolutely no reason to put myself through the misery that is a half marathon in July. Ever again.

So, there it is. My first half marathon post-babies. Was it what I wanted? Absolutely not. Am I disappointed with my time? Hell no. I finished the race. That's all this was ever about. Now, I'm looking forward to racing more, this time with less anxiety to weigh me down. I know I still have a way to go. I'm not "better" yet. But I'm getting there. One step at a time.

The Things Take Over the Museum

As I mentioned earlier, we recently took the Things on their first visit to the Kohl Children's Museum. Actually, it was their first visit to any museum, so it was a fun experiment for us all.

Making some noise

There are so many blog posts and article out there now, that have all kinds of advice on what to do with your kids in all situations, that it's really hard not to feel overwhelmed. Apparently, we can screw up our kids in so many more ways than I thought! The mere act of taking them to a museum is suddenly a situation fraught with opportunities for failure! You have to find the right balance of letting them lead the play, while making sure they're always safe. They need to make their own discoveries, even though it's obvious there are more things for them to discover. Being a parent is really intimidating!

Despite all of the potential pitfalls, Hubby and I braved the Museum with them, to see what kind of trouble the Things could get themselves into. We spent a lot of time just following them from one room to another, but it was honestly a lot fun to watch them make their own choices and figure stuff out while we were there.

Water is cool!

It seemed like their favorite areas were the car and train sections (big surprise, there), the water play area (yup, makes sense) and the music room (making noise? great!). Given their personalities, all of these choices make total sense, so I wasn't really surprised. But, it was so much fun to see them split up and explore at their own speed! Hubby and I went with man-to-man defense for the day, and would occasionally trade off kids during the visit.

While I wouldn't say they played "with" any of the other kids at the museum, there was some playing near other kids. They're very friendly around other kids, but I think they were so distracted by all of the exhibits that it barely registered that there were other people their size around them! It will be fun to go back as they grow up, and watch them figure more things out, and socialize more.

It was a pretty quick visit, since it was our first attempt museuming, but I'm looking forward to more trips in the future. Since I practically grew up at the Indianapolis Children's Museum, I'm really glad we have one near us that  we'll be able to go back to as the Things grow up!

The Best Day EVER!!

Some of you may know that I'm a member of the Irish Heritage Singers in Chicago. We're a small group that sings a mix of traditional and contemporary Irish music. I've been a member for almost three years now, and I've loved my time with them. I've been able to sing at the Milwaukee Irish Fest, and for the President of Ireland! But, all of that lost all meaning a couple of weeks ago, when I got to sing at the Taste of Chicago with THE CHIEFTAINS!!!!!!

For those of you who don't know, The Chieftains are freaking awesome! They've been around for 53 years, and they've played with musicians from Joan Baez to Elvis Costello to a NASA astronaut...and so many more! They play Irish music, but also put an Irish spin on music from other countries. I discovered Irish music in high school, and I've loved The Chieftains ever since then.

Sound check!

Imagine my surprise when our director told us that we had the opportunity to sing with them! Elated doesn't even begin to cover it! The whole thing came together quickly, and before I knew it, we were at the Taste, warming up onstage with THE CHIEFTAINS!!!!

They were totally lovely and wonderful to work with, and said such nice things about us. It was really a dream come true--and that was just the warm up!

After sound check, we had some free time to wander around the Taste, and since it had been several years since I'd been able to go, I took full advantage of my afternoon. One of my fellow Singers and I wandered around together, sampling some of the tasty food available. It was so much fun, just having an afternoon downtown to play tourist--I hadn't done that in a long time! Plus, the weather was absolutely perfect--it was just a great day to be outside, enjoying some of the best Chicago has to offer.

After all our Tasting, it was time to head back to get ready for the concert. I don't think I've spent that long primping in a while; but I had to look my best! After we warmed up together, I sat backstage and listened to the concert. I've been to a Chieftains concert before, but experiencing it from backstage was really cool. I loved seeing everything that went into the concert. I didn't realize it, but they ask local choirs, bagpipers and dancers to join them when they perform. I love that! It's a great way to show how Irish heritage is alive and well wherever they travel!

Showtime!

And suddenly, it was time for us to go on! We filed onstage, the music started...and we SANG! It was such a fabulous experience! The crowd was great, and it was all so much fun. We got to watch the dancers while we were onstage, and the bagpipers went on right after us, so we got to the whole Chieftains experience.

Once we left the stage, I thought that was it, but I was wrong! I asked one of the professional dancers if I could take a picture with him, and he invited me to join them all onstage, dancing in the final song. Of course I said yes! At the end of the concert, they did a big dance line across the stage, through the audience and then back to the stage, and I joined right in with them! Totally the perfect end to an awesome day! Speaking of perfect: the whole thing was made even better by the fact that Hubby and the Things were in the audience as well! It really was an awesome day, and the fact that my family got to be there with me was absolutely amazing.

DANCING!

It's already been over two weeks since the concert, and I still can't believe that it happened. I'm so glad I had this opportunity--it really was the most amazing thing.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled blogging! Thanks for bearing with my excitement!

Happy 4th!

Happy 4th of July!

Our second 4th of July as a family has come and gone, and I have to say, it went pretty well! We had a lovely, long weekend together, with lots of adventures all around! The only person with any complaints about the weekend is Mischa, and she got to sleep in our bed when there were fireworks, so I think she came out pretty well in the bargain. (She's absolutely terrified of fireworks and thunderstorms, so she spent a lot of the weekend shivering under the covers in our bed.)

Thing 2 loved the rocky horse!

Saturday, as I mentioned before, was the Things' first race! Hubby and I were both a little apprehensive, since it started at 12:45--squarely in the middle of nap time. However, the Things love new surroundings! They may have been a little sleepy, but by the time we got to the park where the race was to start, they were ready to be entertained.

We played at the park for the 30 minutes before the race started, which may have been a rookie mistake. Who lets their kids wear themselves out right before they have to run a race!?!? Oops!

Big boy on the slide!

This was probably the most busy they'd ever seen a playground before, but they handled it like champs. There were big kids running and jumping all around them (although, they were actually impressively attentive to the littler ones--no one got trampled), but the Things kept on doing their...things. We tried not to hover too much, and just watched them figure stuff out on their own, which was pretty great!

Finally, the Northwestern mascot came out to lead all the kids in some stretching before the race started. Thing 1 showed no interest in that whatsoever, but Thing 2 was intrigued by the process. She stood with the other kids and watched them windmill their arms and touch their toes. She didn't do any of it, but she was clearly very curious about the proceedings...

Thing 2, not stretching

And then, it was race time! We all lined up in the street--they let the older kids start first, and we waited way at the back of the pack. When it was our turn, the Things trotted off, arms flapping in excitement. They held our hands, and smiled the whole time, even when they got tired. Lots of people were there to cheer on the kids, and the Things got lots of attention as the smallest racers. I think they really liked all the people clapping for them! There was also a policeman on a motorcycle, who absolutely entranced Thing 1.

Sure, Thing 2 needed to be carried for a few steps by the end, but when I asked her if she could cross the finish line by herself she said "YEAH!" And she did. Sure, we were the last and second-to-last finishers in the race. Sure, it felt like the longest, slowest half mile ever. BUT, the kids finished their first race! They got finisher ribbons, and post-race treats for their hard work. I'm hoping this will be the first of many races they run, and I can't wait to really run races with them as they get bigger!

We did it!

The rest of the weekend was spent cooking out, hanging out with friends, and taking our first trip to the Kohl Children's Museum! That was lots of fun, but I'll save that update for another post. We didn't see any fireworks, but I think we celebrated just fine without them

Running Update

It's been a while since I posted about running, so I thought I'd take a minute to do that!

First, here's a quick update on my resolution: I was starting to get worried that I wouldn't make it to 500 miles by the end of the year, after the slow start I got thanks to weather and various illness-related setbacks. But, now that summer is here with it's better weather and longer daylight hours, I'm running strong! As of my (epic, PR-setting) 10-mile run on Saturday, I'm officially at 251.9 miles for the year so far! That's right, I'm over halfway there, before the year is halfway over!!! Wooooo hooo! It's nice to have that little reassurance that I can make my goal, even if I hit some bumps in the road on the way there.

Speaking of bumps: I've had my fair share of those when it comes to running recently. I've been doing a good job, running a race every month in April, May and June, but my May race was pretty rough. I'd decided to find a 10k to run on May 16th, since that was the distance I wanted to run that weekend. So, I looked for races nearby, and found an evening trail run close to my house that day. It seemed perfect! Everything was lining up just the way I wanted! An evening run would be great, since it would get rid of all the pressure of getting out the door at a crazy hour. So, I registered the day before the race, and showed up on race day, full of anticipation.

I should have been full of dread. It. Was. Awful. First of all, the day the hottest we'd had in a while, and I was totally unprepared for that. Sure, I carried my own water for the race, but that just wasn't enough to combat the heat of the day combined with the direct sunshine at the start of the race. Yeah, evening run didn't mean nice, shady run. It meant, full-on, blazing sunlight when we took off! Yowch!

The race was a small event, which I'm usually good at. I can generally count on starting toward the middle of the pack, and doing well there. Apparently, this race was full of speedsters, though. They all started out crazy fast, and it wasn't until I heard my split for my first mile that I knew I'd gone out too hard. On a cooler day, with more shade, that pace would have been fine; but that wasn't the race I was running.

I tried to pull back and run smarter, but the damage had already been done. I had to take multiple walk

This is early in the race, which is why I look so happy...

breaks, and spent most of the race utterly alone. I wasn't the last person on the course, but there was no one in sight of me, in front or behind. It was pretty lonely and miserable, and I imagined myself passing out as soon as I crossed the finish line (if I made it that far).

I managed to tough it out and cross the finish line. No question of setting a PR, but I was really proud of the fact that I finished, since it was pretty much the worst race I'd ever run. I drank a bunch of fluids, and then got myself home, where I discovered a hitchhiker on my ankle. Yup. I'd picked up my first ever tick!!! YIKES! I totally freaked out, and made hubby come take care of the interloper. I still get the wibblies, just thinking about it. Ick.

Anyway, after all of that excitement, I started to feel really crappy. I had a huge headache, and my muscles were really sore. I could tell something was off, but it wasn't until I threw up spectacularly that it dawned on me: heat exhaustion. To add insult to the injury of that race, and as if I needed further proof that I hadn't run a smart race, I spent the evening being violently sick. Fun, fun, fun!

I didn't do much better the following weekend, when I had to cut short a planned 8-mile run after wiping out on the sidewalk. Fortunately, I didn't do anything worse than skin my left knee and right palm, but I knew finishing the run was out of the question. I was able to pick up running again without any lost time, but it was a few weeks before I went back to doing yoga...it's really hard to do most of the poses when you're down to one useable hand and knee.

Luckily, my most recent race was a much more enjoyable experience! Hubby and I ran the DePauw Almuni 5k Challenge for my 10th college reunion earlier this month, and it was fantastic! We ran together the whole time, enjoying a part of the campus that wasn't around when I was there, and feeling mildly smug that we were up and active while a lot of people were still in bed, hungover from the night before. That was a really smart run for both of us, and it did a lot to offset my May race.

And that brings me to now! I'm feeling really strong (as if evidenced by my aforementioned PR-setting 10 mile run), and really enjoying my running so far this summer! I've been doing yoga at least a couple of times a week, and I think it's starting to pay off. I'm focusing on the positive in my runs, and thinking about making plans for another race soon.

Next up on the calendar is the Things' first race!! We've signed them up for a half-mile fun run on the 4th of July! I'm looking forward to seeing what they do when we let them loose--it should be a lot of fun!

Saying Goodbye

The Things were very lucky when they were born, to still have three great grandmothers living. They were also lucky enough to meet two of them at a very young age, and they've had several visits with both GG and Backy so far. Unfortunately, we hadn't been as good about getting them out to visit my dad's mother, since she lived in Ohio.

I knew we needed to change that, and we all made plans to go see her over Mother's Day weekend. Sadly, we waited too long, and she passed away the day before the babies were supposed to go meet her.

I feel so many things about this situation. I'm so sad that the babies never got to meet her, and that I never got to say goodbye. I'm mad at myself that we didn't try to make the trip sooner. I feel so guilty that I let myself fall so out of touch with her. If I'm honest, I'm a little mad at her too, for not holding on one more day.

My second Mother's Day ended up nothing like I wanted it to be, although I'm trying to remind myself to be grateful for the weekend I had. The babies got to visit with both of their Great Aunts and Uncles from that side of the family, and really enjoyed exploring a new place. We also went swimming at the pool, and got to spend time with GG on Mother's Day. It wasn't what I wanted for the weekend, but I know the babies had a good time, and that makes me happy.

Fun with Nana

Exploring the great outdoors

Together after the service

One thing that make me feel better about the situation is the fact that we all got to say goodbye to Grandma, together. At the end of May, we had a memorial service for her in Ohio, and we all got to go. The Things got to meet two of my cousins for the first time, which makes me so happy. Sarah and I got to sing "Danny Boy" together at the service, which was hard, but wonderful. I'd never sung at a funeral for a family member before, and I was worried that I wouldn't be able to make it through the song. As much as TV shows romanticize singing and crying, I know that I don't do it well. But, Sarah and I made it through, and I like to think it would have made Grandma happy.

Obviously, we've been up to more since the end of May, but I wanted to take a moment to talk about this, since it had such a big impact on me recently.

Grandma, I hope you know how much I loved you. Big kisses!

1921-2015

REAL Women Move

Okay, I've been working on this post for a while, so it's time to just write it, already! I know I've mentioned my involvement as an Ambassador for Skirt Sports before, so I wanted to take a minute to talk about a new mission they've started, called #REALwomenmove. It's all about getting women to embrace their inner awesome and promote fitness at all levels. You can find out more about it here.

For those of you who know me, you may know that I was not always a runner. I watched my dad run all through my childhood, but never really got it. Sure, I ran a couple of races (I was that obnoxious kid who made her mom walk with her when she got tired, and then blasted away at the finish line), and owned a pair of running shoes, but it wasn't something that I was interested in doing more than a couple of times a year.

Instead, I kept busy with dance and theatre and choir. I was active, just in more artistic pursuits, and I'm really glad my parents were okay with that. I played soccer and softball when I was a kid, but they didn't pressure me to keep with it, when it clearly wasn't something I was interested in (or very good at).

Once Hubby and I moved to DC, though, something just clicked. It may have had something to do with the fact that my BFF was living in the same town, and she liked to run, or maybe it was getting to run past national monuments all the time, but that's where I became a runner. Running through the brutal DC summers made me stronger, and the winters were mild enough that I could keep running outside year-round. DC gave me the bug, and I brought it back home to the Midwest when we moved.

Now, I'm still running happily, more than 5 years (and 2 babies) later! I've had my setbacks, but I know it's something I'm stuck with. Getting out there, having that time to think about nothing but putting one foot in front of the other, always brings me back to real life feeling refreshed.

I run to keep myself sane, and to keep myself in shape. I want to be a role model for my kids as they grow up. I want them both to know that being active is fun, and that sweating is okay. I'm sure Thing 1 will be encouraged to try different sports as he grows up, and I want Thing 2 to know that she can play, too. They can dance, if that's what they want, or they can run, or play baseball, or soccer. Whatever.

Running may not always be pretty (ask me about my colossal wipeout the other week), and it may not always be easy, but it's a part of who I am. I'm glad to know there's a group of like-minded women out there, moving with me, doing what they can to stay active.

If you're interested, check out Skirt Sports--they've got great gear for whatever keeps you active. Check out their #REALwomenmove initiative, and see some of the inspiring women I've teamed up with. Oh, and if you realize you need new activewear, you can use the discount code SSAMB20NE to get 20% off your order!

Whether it's running, biking, swimming, or something else, get out there, stay active and just keep moving!